"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby... Bobby, come on over for dinner!"
CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS – (Gender of the characters is not set in stone, all are invited to audition for any part except Joanne and Tweaker Tammie, which are both female-identifying roles)
Bobby/Bobbie: chronic relapser, has never fully given him/her/themself to God or the Program, indecisive, self-will run riot, wants to recover “just enough”, trying to find an easier, softer way.
Twelve: Bobby/ie’s 12th stepping friend who helps guide them on their journey to recovery.
Joanne: Bobby/ie’s resentful alcoholic mother.
Tweaker Tammy: Tammy is the speaker at our speaker meeting. She is recovering, but has that everlasting tweaky touch. (Must be able to lip-synch to fast lyrics).
The Chairperson: Exactly that, the chairperson. Cheeky character, good at physical comedy. Bugs Bunny/Willy Wonka style character that helps drive the story.
Old-Timer Tim: Has had a spiritual awakening as a result of the 12 steps and tries to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Quotes the book.
Old-Timer Tanya: Has had a spiritual awakening as a result of 12 steps and tries to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Emotionally nuanced.
Bone-Dry Bill/Becky: Old Timer that hasn’t been happy since ‘96 but is “soooo grateful” to be sober. Epitome of white knuckling.
Treatment Tristan/Trish: Works in treatment. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a thinking problem” “I have to work on my recovery just as hard as I worked for my addiction”.
Nellie Newcomer: Pink cloud personified.
Meeting-Goer 1: Ensemble/Dancer
Meeting-Goer 2: Ensemble/Dancer
Meeting-Goer 3: Ensemble/Dancer
Meeting-Goer 4: Ensemble/Dancer
Meeting-Goer 5: Ensemble/Dancer
AUDITION PROCEDURE
Prepare the given lines below for the character(s) that you would like to play (max. 3).
Optional – If you want to sing, bring a karaoke track of a song of your choice. You can also find a YouTube link.
“SIDES” (LINES):
BOBBY and TWELVE – Bobby and Twelve have just been in a chaotic meeting where Bobby has gone on a drunkalogue. Twelve is telling Bobby about their experience with sobriety.
Bobby: I don’t even know why I came back here. This is all bullshit.
Twelve: Yeah, it seems that way, but it’s kept me sober for three years now.
Bobby: (Sarcastically) Wow, three years.
Twelve: I know. It’s crazy. I never thought I would get sober, much less stay that way for three years without blowing my brains out or jumping off a bridge.
Bobby laughs, then gets serious again.
Bobby: I’ve tried, hasn’t worked for me… What’s it like having three years?
Twelve: Well, it didn’t start out easy. It was really hard in the beginning, but it’s a lot easier now…most days.
Bobby: I’m just so sick and tired of everybody being so goddamn grateful all the time. Like, what are they hiding?
Twelve: (Twelve chuckles) I wasn’t always grateful for this.
Bobby: Twelve, are you ever sorry you got sober?
[End Scene. The scene then progresses into a song]
JOANNE and BOBBY – Robert has fled home in an attempt to find comfort. He is looking for the mother he has always wanted, and not the mother he has. It’s nighttime, and the room is dark. Joanne is drinking alone, and has been for some time. [If we have a female-identifying Bobbie, this scene will be re-written to adapt to that dynamic.]
Joanne: (Smoking) Robert, what are you doing here?
Bobby: I came to see–
Joanne: Are you here to ask for more money? I already gave you money.
Bobby: No, I don’t need money. I–
Joanne: I’m not giving you any more money, Robert.
Bobby: Mom, I don’t need money–
Joanne: Okay, so what is it? You always need something from me. (pause) Spit it out.
Bobby: Nothing, I just want to talk to you.
Joanne: (Scoffs) What is it you wanna talk about?
Bobby: I think I have a drinking problem.
Joanne: (Sarcastically) You? A problem? You don’t say.
Bobby: (Tearfully) I don’t know what to do anymore, Mom.
Joanne: For once in your life, act like a man, Robert.
Bobby: (Breaking down) I think I’m an alcoholic.
Joanne: An alcocholic? No. Your father– he was an alcoholic! You’re weak willed, Robert. You always have been, ever since you were a boy. You couldn’t keep up with the other boys. You were always crying… You’re not an alcoholic. You’re just a disappointment.
Bobby: Mom, I –
[End Scene. This progresses into a song.]
TWEAKER TAMMY – This is Tammy’s first time sharing her story at a large speaker meeting, and she is very nervous. The following is an excerpt of her speech:
Tammy: Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for, a meeting, what's a meeting? It's a self-indulgent ritual where everybody talks about their feelings and their praying, which is maybe the most horrifying thing I ever heard of, which is followed by a meeting, where suddenly you’ll realize you’re saddled with these nuts, wanna kill ‘em, which you shouldn’t–
So listen, thanks a bunch, But I can’t be the speaker. Go have lunch, ‘cause I won’t be the speaker. You've been grand, but I can’t be the speaker. Don't just sit there, I won’t be the speaker. And don't tell Pam, but I CAN’T be the speaker today!
[End Scene]
THE CHAIRPERSON and TREATMENT TRISTAN/TRISH – Right after a chaotic meeting.
Treatment Tristan: Dude, that was an awesome meeting. You rocked it. Can I offer some perspective, though?
The Chairperson: Why not.
Tristan: You read the preamble wrong. Have you considered just reading straight from the page? The group conscience specifically decides what’s supposed to be on there, and I just think accountability is really important.
Chairperson: Uh huh…
Tristan: You know, when Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob wrote the book, with the rest of the fellowship of A.A., they were super specific about the language, you know? You have to really respect the text, and not water it down…
Chairperson: Sure…
Tristan: I’m just trying to practice the principles in all my affairs, man. Thank you, bro. Good talk.
Chairperson: Go team.
[End Scene]
BONE-DRY BILL and NEWCOMER NELLIE
Newcomer Nellie: OMG that was the BEST meeting EVER!
Bone-Dry Bill: I’ve been sober for 37 years. I haven’t been to a good meeting in 17.
Nellie: Wow, I couldn’t imagine having that much perspective! You must know EVERYTHING about A.A.!
Bill: I wish I knew less.
Nellie: There’s so much wisdom in what you just said. Of course! It’s like the Set-Aside prayer (goes into a “Buda pose”) God, help me set aside everything I think I kn–
Bill: Mhm.
Nellie: You’re incredible!
Bill: Thanks. (Turning away, under his breath) Fu… God help me.
[End Scene]
OLD-TIMER TIM and OLD-TIMER TANYA – This Old-Timer is accepting a 25 year chip. This is the speech they give when accepting their chip (pulled from page 199 of the Big Book).
Old-Timer Tim/Tanya: My name is Tim/Tanya, and I’m an alcoholic. I never forgot a passage I first read in the copy of the Big Book that my old friend Bill sent me. “Abandon yourself to God, as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us.” It is very simple, though not always easy. But it can be done. One of the most fundamental things I have learned is to pass on our message to other alcoholics. That means I must think about others more than about myself. The most important thing is to practice these principles in all of my affairs. In my opinion, that is what Alcoholics Anonymous is all about.
[End Scene]